Failed IVF Cycle Support
Finding peace and purpose after the cycle
A failed IVF cycle can feel devastating—but it does not define your future. You've shown incredible courage through every appointment, every injection, and every sacrifice. At Dancing Bee Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin, Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT provides specialized therapy to help you process the grief and trauma while rediscovering your inner strength. Together, we work toward resilience—helping you heal, regain clarity, and explore what's next with hope and confidence. You don't have to face this alone.
When IVF Doesn't Go As Planned
You endured the two-week wait, noticing every sensation and hoping for signs of success. Then came the call with your beta results—and the numbers weren't what you expected. Too low. Negative. Not pregnant. The cycle didn't work.
The grief after a failed IVF cycle is profound. You invested significant time, energy, and resources—appointments, medications, procedures, and the hope you guarded so carefully. A failed embryo transfer isn't just a negative test; it can feel like a deep loss. That embryo existed. It was transferred. And now it's gone.
Whether this was your first cycle and the shock feels overwhelming, or your third or fourth and you're questioning how much more you can endure, the pain is real. Perhaps your embryos didn't reach blastocyst stage, or PGT-A results showed none were viable. Maybe your cycle was canceled before retrieval due to poor response. Whatever the circumstances, the emotional impact is immense—and you don't have to navigate it alone.
No matter what happened in your IVF journey, your feelings matter. Counseling after IVF offers compassionate support and guidance to help you heal and explore the next steps with clarity and confidence.
The Emotional Impact of IVF Failure
The emotional toll of a failed IVF cycle can be profound. Feelings of grief, sadness, anger, or even numbness are common and completely valid responses to such a deeply personal experience. While these emotions may feel overwhelming or unfamiliar, they are a normal part of navigating this loss. You don't have to face this alone—support is available to help you process your feelings, honor your journey, and explore the next steps with care and clarity.
How to Cope After Failed IVF
Coping with failed IVF is a process, not an event. Here's what helps.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
This is a real loss. It's important not to minimize it with thoughts like "it was just an embryo" or "at least you weren't very far along." The grief that follows IVF failure is valid and deserves acknowledgment. Give yourself permission to feel—cry, be angry, and allow every emotion to surface without judgment. Your experience matters, and your feelings are real.
Take Time Before Deciding
After an IVF cycle, it's understandable to feel pressure to make decisions quickly—but it's okay to pause. Your clinic may suggest next steps right away, and you can kindly ask for time. Taking a moment to process your emotions first allows you to approach future choices with calm and clarity. Healing before planning helps you feel grounded and supported as you consider what's next.
Create Space from Information Overload
It's completely natural to want answers after an IVF cycle, but constant searching can feel overwhelming. Give yourself permission to step back from forums and endless research. Sometimes, more information doesn't bring peace—it can add stress. Setting gentle boundaries allows you to focus on healing and approach decisions with calm and clarity.
Lean on Support
Share your feelings with people who can simply listen and hold space for your grief—without trying to fix it or minimize what you're going through. It's okay to avoid conversations that feel dismissive or overly positive when what you need most is understanding. True support after a failed IVF cycle means having people who allow you to feel devastated without judgment.
Care for Your Body
Your body has been through a lot. Rest. Eat. Move gently if it helps. Self-care isn't about optimizing for the next cycle. It's about treating yourself kindly after a hard experience.
Seek Professional Support
When an IVF cycle doesn't go as hoped, the emotions that follow can feel heavy and overwhelming. Fertility counseling offers a safe, compassionate space to process your grief, find calm, and begin healing at your own pace. You don't have to carry this alone—support is here to help you feel understood and gently explore what comes next.
Multiple Failed IVF Cycles
One failed cycle is devastating. But when IVF fails again and again, the grief becomes cumulative. Each failure adds to the trauma of the ones before. Recurrent IVF failure brings unique challenges.
If you're facing recurrent IVF failure, you're carrying a heavier weight than most people understand. Specialized support for multiple failed IVF cycles can help you process the accumulated grief and face decisions about what comes next.
Therapy After IVF Failure
IVF counseling after a failed cycle provides space to grieve, process, and eventually move forward.
Processing Grief
Acknowledging and working through the grief of a failed IVF cycle is an important part of emotional recovery. This isn't about "getting over it" quickly—it's about giving your loss the care and attention it deserves, so you can heal fully and move forward with clarity and strength.
Managing Anxiety and Depression
IVF failure can trigger or worsen anxiety and depression. Therapy provides coping strategies and support for the mental health impact of failed cycles.
Navigating Decisions
Should you try again? Change clinics? Consider donors? Stop? These decisions are emotional, not just logical. Therapy helps you explore what's right for you without pressure.
Supporting Your Relationship
Processing how IVF failure affects your partnership. Improving communication when you're both struggling. Partner support after failed IVF is critical.
Checking In With Yourself
If you're thinking about another IVF cycle, therapy can be a space to help you connect with your own sense of readiness and resilience. You know what's best for you—sometimes taking a pause is not a setback, but a powerful choice that allows you to move forward with clarity and confidence.
Finding Meaning and Moving Forward
Whether you continue treatment or eventually stop, therapy helps you integrate this experience and find a path forward that honors both your grief and your future.
Questions After Failed IVF
Why did my IVF fail?
In many cases, the honest answer is that no one knows exactly why IVF fails. Your reproductive endocrinologist may identify possible factors: embryo quality issues, implantation problems, uterine factors, or simply the reality that even perfect embryos don't always implant. Human reproduction has low success rates even under ideal conditions. Failed implantation happens even with euploid embryos from PGT-A testing. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes IVF just doesn't work, and that doesn't mean it won't work next time if you try again.
How do I cope with failed IVF?
Coping with failed IVF involves allowing yourself to fully grieve rather than rushing to "next steps." Take time off work if you can. Lean on people who validate your pain without minimizing it. Limit time on fertility forums and social media if they make you feel worse. Be gentle with your body, which has been through physical and emotional stress. Don't make major decisions about future treatment in the immediate aftermath. Consider therapy after IVF failure to process the grief with professional support. Most importantly, remember this is a significant loss and you deserve to mourn it.
What are the chances of success after failed IVF?
Failed IVF success next cycle depends on many factors: your age, the reason for failure if known, your ovarian reserve, embryo quality, and what changes your RE might recommend. Many people do succeed after one or more failed cycles. Your clinic can give you personalized statistics based on your situation. What's harder to quantify is whether you have the emotional and financial resources for another attempt. Statistics can't tell you whether trying again is right for you. That's a personal decision that involves more than probability.
Is it normal to feel depressed after IVF failure?
Yes, IVF failure depression is very common and completely understandable. You've experienced a significant loss after enormous investment of hope, money, time, and physical discomfort. Feelings of hopelessness, persistent sadness, difficulty functioning, changes in sleep and appetite, and loss of interest in things you usually enjoy are all normal grief responses. If these symptoms persist for more than two weeks or include thoughts of self-harm, please reach out for professional help. Depression therapy can provide the support you need to get through this.
When should I try IVF again after a failed cycle?
Your clinic will have medical recommendations about timing for another cycle, typically waiting one to three months depending on your protocol and physical recovery. But emotional readiness matters too. Some people feel ready to try again quickly because action feels better than waiting. Others need more time to grieve and recover before facing another cycle. There's no right answer. Signs you might not be ready: ongoing intense grief, relationship strain that hasn't been addressed, financial stress that would worsen with another cycle, or feeling pushed into trying again before you've processed this loss. Consider talking with a fertility therapist to assess your emotional readiness.
Why See an IVF-Specialized Therapist?
Understanding IVF Protocol
I understand stim cycles, trigger shots, egg retrieval, embryo grading, Day 3 transfer versus Day 5 transfer, fresh transfer versus FET, beta tests, and progesterone. You don't have to explain the process. We can focus on how you're feeling.
Recognizing the Depth of Loss
I understand that a failed embryo transfer is a real loss, not just a "failed medical procedure." The grief of IVF failure is profound and deserves to be treated that way.
Navigating Complex Decisions
I can help you think through whether to try again, change protocols, consider donors, or stop treatment without pushing you toward any particular answer.
ASRM Training
My training through the American Society for Reproductive Medicine prepared me specifically for the mental health challenges of IVF and other fertility treatments.
Failed IVF Support in Madison, Wisconsin
Dancing Bee Counseling provides specialized IVF failure support from our Waunakee office. Telehealth sessions are available throughout Wisconsin.
Dancing Bee Counseling
Serving Dane County and Beyond:
Convenient for patients at UW Health Fertility and Wisconsin Fertility Institute.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Reproductive Mental Health Specialist
I founded Dancing Bee Counseling because I saw how many people were navigating IVF without adequate emotional support. Your RE can explain the medical side, but who helps you process the feelings? Who helps you decide whether to try again or stop? Who acknowledges that this is a real loss?
That's what I do. I provide IVF therapy that understands the medical context, honors the grief, and helps you navigate whatever comes next. Whether this is your first failed cycle or your fifth, whether you're deciding to try again or considering stopping, I'm here to help you process this experience.
You Don't Have to Process This Alone
A failed IVF cycle is a significant loss that deserves real support. A consultation is simply a conversation about what you're going through and how therapy might help.
In-person in Waunakee · Telehealth throughout Wisconsin