Stillbirth Grief Counseling
Your baby was real. Your love was real. Your grief is real. You deserve support that honors all of it.
Dancing Bee Counseling provides compassionate grief counseling for parents who have experienced stillbirth. The death of a baby you carried, planned for, and loved is one of life's most devastating losses. I offer a gentle space where you can grieve your child, process the trauma of what happened, and find your way forward while carrying your baby with you always.
The Grief of Stillbirth
Stillbirth shatters the world you were building. You planned a life with this baby. You imagined their face, chose their name, prepared their nursery. You felt them move. And then, in a moment that changed everything, they were gone. The loss of a baby to stillbirth is one of the most painful experiences a human being can endure.
And the world often doesn't know what to do with your grief. People may avoid mentioning your baby, rush you to "move on," or minimize your loss in ways that feel like they're erasing your child's existence. You may feel profoundly alone in your grief, even when surrounded by people who love you.
Your baby existed. Your baby mattered. Your grief is not too much, and it's not something to "get over." It's the natural response to loving someone you lost too soon.
I provide therapy that makes space for all of your grief: the sadness, the anger, the guilt, the longing, the trauma of what happened, and the ongoing task of learning to live in a world that will never be quite the same. Your baby's name is welcome here. Their story is welcome here. You are welcome here.
I See Your Baby. I See Your Love.
In a world that often doesn't know how to acknowledge stillbirth, I want you to know: I will say your baby's name. I will ask about who they were to you. I will honor the fact that you are a parent to a child who died, and that your child's short life held meaning and mattered.
Your grief is not a problem to be fixed. It is love with nowhere to go. In therapy, we make space for that love, for that grief, and for you to find your own way forward while keeping your baby close.
The Many Faces of Stillbirth Grief
Grief after stillbirth is complex and individual. All of these experiences are normal.
Overwhelming Sadness
A depth of sorrow that feels bottomless. Waves of grief that knock you over when you least expect them. Missing your baby with your whole being.
Trauma Responses
Flashbacks to the moment you learned. Nightmares. Physical symptoms when triggered. The trauma of stillbirth can live in your body long after.
Guilt and Self-Blame
Searching for what you did wrong. Reviewing every choice, every symptom, every moment. Blaming yourself even when there was nothing you could have done.
Anger
Rage at the unfairness. Anger at your body, at the world, at other pregnant people, at a universe that let this happen. Anger is part of grief.
Isolation
Feeling like no one understands. Withdrawing from friends, especially those with babies. Loneliness even in a room full of people.
Numbness
Feeling nothing when you expected to feel everything. Going through the motions. Emotional flatness as your mind protects itself from pain.
Identity Questions
Am I still a mother? A father? How do I answer when people ask if I have children? Who am I now that my baby is gone?
Physical Grief
Grief that lives in your body. Empty arms. Milk with no baby to feed. The physical aftermath of loss, compounding emotional pain.
Grief Over Time
Anniversaries, due dates, milestones your child would have reached. Grief that resurfaces, changes shape, and stays with you in different forms.
What We Work On Together
Grief counseling after stillbirth provides a safe space to mourn and begin to heal.
Space to Grieve Your Baby
A place where your baby's name is spoken, their existence is honored, and you can express all the love and grief you carry. No rushing, no timeline, no pressure to "move on."
Processing Trauma
The trauma of stillbirth often requires specific attention. We work through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and physical responses so the trauma loosens its grip on your daily life.
Releasing Guilt
Working through the guilt and self-blame that so often accompanies stillbirth. Understanding why your mind creates these thoughts and learning to let go of blame that doesn't belong to you.
Relationship Support
Stillbirth strains even strong relationships. We address how grief affects your partnership, how you each grieve differently, and how to support each other through this.
Coping with Others
Dealing with insensitive comments, well-meaning but painful advice, and people who don't know what to say. Strategies for handling social situations while grieving.
Finding Your Way Forward
Learning to live with loss. Discovering how to carry your baby with you while also re-engaging with life. Finding meaning and hope, at your own pace.
Stillbirth Grief Counseling Services
I provide therapy tailored to the specific needs of stillbirth grief.
Individual Grief Therapy
One-on-one support for processing your unique grief. A safe space to express everything you're feeling without judgment or pressure.
Couples Grief Support
Help for partners grieving together but differently. Communication tools, understanding each other's grief styles, and staying connected through loss.
Trauma Processing
Specific techniques for processing the traumatic aspects of stillbirth. Working through flashbacks, body memories, and intrusive thoughts.
Future Pregnancy Support
If you're considering pregnancy after stillbirth, support for the intense anxiety and complex emotions that subsequent pregnancies bring.
Anniversary Support
Help navigating anniversaries, due dates, holidays, and other difficult days. Planning rituals and developing coping strategies for these tender times.
Family Support
Guidance on talking to other children about the loss. Supporting siblings in their grief. Managing extended family responses.
When Partners Grieve Differently
Stillbirth affects both parents, but you may grieve in very different ways. One partner may need to talk constantly while the other retreats into silence. One may want to preserve everything while the other needs to put things away. These differences can create distance at a time when you most need each other.
I help couples understand that different doesn't mean wrong. Grief doesn't have one correct form. Learning to support each other while honoring your individual grief processes can help you stay connected through this devastation.
Different Processing Styles
Understanding why you grieve differently and how to honor both approaches.
Communication Tools
How to express needs and support each other when words feel impossible.
Staying Connected
Maintaining intimacy and connection while navigating profound grief.
Ways to Remember
There is no right way to honor your baby. Here are some ways other parents have kept their children close.
Memory Books
Collecting photos, footprints, cards, and memories in a special book.
Rituals
Lighting candles on anniversaries, visiting special places, or annual traditions.
Memorial Jewelry
Wearing something that represents your baby: birthstone, name, or symbol.
Living Memorials
Planting a tree, creating a garden, or establishing something that grows.
Charitable Acts
Donating to stillbirth research or supporting other bereaved families.
Art and Creation
Paintings, sculptures, quilts, or other creative expressions of love.
Writing
Letters to your baby, journaling, poetry, or sharing your story.
Speaking Their Name
Simply saying your baby's name out loud, keeping them present in conversation.
The Path After Stillbirth
The future looks different now. Here's how therapy helps with what comes next.
Pregnancy After Stillbirth
If you choose to try again, pregnancy after stillbirth brings intense anxiety, fear, and complicated emotions. I provide support specifically for the unique challenges of subsequent pregnancy after loss.
Pregnancy After Loss Support →Surviving Anniversaries
The due date, the birthday, the death date. Holidays. Days that were supposed to hold milestones. Planning how to honor these days and developing coping strategies for difficult anniversaries.
Returning to Life
Going back to work. Seeing pregnant people. Baby showers. Answering the question "do you have kids?" Learning to function in the world while carrying grief with you.
Integrating Loss
Your baby will always be part of your story. Grief doesn't end; it changes. Learning to carry your child with you while also finding joy and meaning in life again.
Questions About Stillbirth Grief
How long does grief last after stillbirth?
There is no timeline for grief after stillbirth. The loss of a baby is one of the most profound losses a person can experience, and it changes you forever. Acute grief typically softens over time, but grief doesn't follow a predictable path. You may feel intense pain for months or years. Anniversaries, due dates, and milestones can bring grief surging back even after you've begun to feel better. What changes is not that you "get over" your baby, but that you learn to carry the loss differently. Many parents find that their child remains part of their life and identity forever. There is no "should" about how long your grief lasts.
Is it normal to feel guilty after stillbirth?
Guilt is one of the most common emotions after stillbirth, even when there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Parents often search for something they did wrong: something they ate, an exercise they did, a symptom they dismissed. This is the mind's way of trying to make sense of something senseless, trying to find control in a situation that was beyond control. Medical professionals confirm that in most stillbirths, there was nothing the parent could have done differently. Working through guilt in therapy involves examining these thoughts, understanding why the mind creates them, and gradually releasing blame that doesn't belong to you.
How do I cope with people who say the wrong thing after stillbirth?
People often say hurtful things after stillbirth, usually from discomfort or not knowing what to say: "At least you can try again," "Everything happens for a reason," "At least you didn't get to know the baby." These comments can feel devastating. Coping strategies include: preparing responses in advance ("I know you mean well, but that's painful to hear"), giving yourself permission to walk away from conversations, having a trusted person deflect comments for you, limiting time with people who consistently say hurtful things, and processing the hurt in therapy rather than carrying it alone. You don't owe anyone patience or education while you're grieving.
Should I try to get pregnant again after stillbirth?
The decision about whether and when to try again after stillbirth is deeply personal and there's no right answer. Some parents feel ready relatively quickly and find that trying again gives them hope. Others need more time to grieve before considering another pregnancy. Some decide not to try again. Factors to consider include your emotional readiness, your physical recovery, any medical recommendations, your partner's feelings, and whether you've had space to grieve this baby as an individual. A subsequent pregnancy after stillbirth often brings intense anxiety rather than pure joy. Therapy can help you process these decisions and prepare for the emotional complexity of pregnancy after loss.
How do I talk to my other children about stillbirth?
Talking to surviving children about stillbirth is difficult but essential. Children do better with honest, age-appropriate information than with silence or euphemisms. Avoid phrases like "we lost the baby" (children may think the baby could be found) or "the baby went to sleep" (can create fear around sleep). Simple, direct language works best: "The baby's body stopped working and the baby died. It's very sad and we're going to be sad for a while." Let children ask questions and answer honestly. Include them in remembrance rituals if appropriate. Watch for behavioral changes that might indicate they need additional support. A therapist can help you prepare for these conversations.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Stillbirth and Perinatal Loss Specialist
I believe that every baby who has died deserves to be remembered, and every parent who has lost a child deserves support that honors the magnitude of their loss. I will not rush your grief, minimize your pain, or suggest that time alone will heal this wound.
As a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine with specialized training in perinatal loss, I bring both clinical expertise and genuine compassion to this work. I understand that stillbirth grief is unique, complicated, and lifelong. I will walk alongside you as you learn to carry this loss.
Your baby's name is welcome in my office. Their story matters. And so do you.
More About AbbyStillbirth Grief Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin
🐝 Dancing Bee Counseling
Office Address
101 E Main St, Suite 4
Waunakee, WI 53597
Phone
608-967-6105Serving Dane County and Beyond
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
Your grief matters. Your baby matters. Reach out when you're ready for support.
In-person in Waunakee · Telehealth throughout Wisconsin