Secondary Infertility Counseling
When Growing Your Family Feels Out of Reach
You've had a child before—maybe easily, maybe with help—but now, it's not happening again. Secondary infertility, the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy after having a child, affects millions of families. Yet this struggle often feels invisible. You may hear, "Just be grateful," when what you need is space to grieve the child you've been hoping for. At Dancing Bee Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin, Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT offers compassionate, specialized support for the unique emotions that come with secondary infertility—grief, guilt, and isolation. Here, your feelings are valid, and your experience matters.
The Invisible Struggle
Secondary infertility brings a unique kind of isolation. You may not feel understood by primary infertility groups because you have a child, and you may feel disconnected from other parents because you're struggling to grow your family. It's a lonely place to be—grateful for the child you have, yet grieving the one you can't.
Too often, the world doesn't recognize this grief. Comments like "At least you have one" are meant to comfort but instead dismiss the pain of an unfulfilled dream. The desire for a complete family is real, and when that dream fades, the loss deserves acknowledgment and support.
The Emotional Weight of Secondary Infertility
Secondary infertility can feel complicated when you already have a child. Every emotion seems mixed—gratitude paired with grief, hope tangled with uncertainty. What once felt like a simple plan for your family can become a source of heartache. And trying to decide whether to continue treatment while parenting adds even more weight to what you're carrying.
Grief
It's natural to grieve the child you hoped for, the sibling your child won't have, and the family you imagined. Counseling offers space to honor this loss while continuing to parent with care.
Guilt
Guilt often shows up—wanting more, feeling sad around your child, or focusing on treatment. Together, we work to release guilt and affirm that your feelings are valid.
Shame
Shame can feel heavy—struggling when you "should be happy" or wondering why your body worked before but doesn't now. Therapy helps replace shame with self-compassion.
Complicated Gratitude
You love your child deeply. That gratitude doesn't erase the longing for another. We honor both truths without judgment.
Isolation
Secondary infertility can feel lonely—caught between parenting and infertility communities. Here, you have a space where you truly belong.
Invisibility
Your pain often goes unseen because you're already a parent. We recognize and validate your experience.
Envy
Feeling envy toward families with multiple children or pregnancy announcements is normal.
Anger
Anger at your body, at others, or at the unfairness of it all is a natural response. Counseling provides tools to process anger in healthy ways.
Secondary Infertility Therapy
Emotional support secondary infertility addresses your specific challenges.
Processing Grief Without Guilt
Coping with secondary infertility begins with giving yourself permission to grieve. Your loss is real, even with a child at home. Counseling offers a supportive space to honor that grief—without guilt and without minimizing what you already have. Here, you can hold both truths: gratitude for your child and longing for the family you imagined.
Navigating Complicated Identity
You're both a parent and someone facing infertility—and that's a lot to hold. It makes sense if this feels confusing or even overwhelming. In counseling, we honor every part of your experience. You don't have to choose one identity over the other; both are real, and both deserve space. Together, we'll work toward clarity and self-compassion as you navigate this unique journey.
Building Resilience
Secondary infertility can bring worry—but it can also reveal resilience. In counseling, we focus on your strengths, helping you tap into the courage, patience, and determination you already have. Together, we'll create strategies that empower you to move forward with confidence and hope, no matter what this journey brings.
Supporting Relationships
Secondary infertility strains relationships. Your partner may feel differently about continuing to try. Couples counseling helps you navigate these decisions together while staying connected.
Making Decisions
Decisions about treatment, timing, and family size are deeply personal. Whether you're considering continuing, pausing, or redefining your vision of family, these choices deserve thoughtful exploration in a supportive space—free from pressure and full of compassion.
Supporting Your Child
How do you care for your child's emotional well-being while staying authentic about your own feelings? How do you respond when they ask about siblings? In counseling, we work on parenting through secondary infertility in ways that support your child and honor your own experience.
Who Seeks Secondary Infertility Support?
Months or years into trying for a second child without success
Feeling guilty for grieving when you "should be grateful"
Isolated because no one understands your specific struggle
Overwhelmed by balancing treatment and parenting
Heartbroken when your child asks for a sibling
Deciding whether to pursue or continue treatment
Processing what it means to complete your family with one child
Partner of someone with secondary infertility, with your own feelings
Your grief is valid even with a child at home. Support for secondary infertility is available.
Schedule a ConsultationWhy See a Secondary Infertility Specialist?
Understanding the Unique Grief
I know that the grief that comes with secondary infertility is real. Your experience deserves to be acknowledged and treated with care, without comparison or qualification.
Navigating Both/And
You're both a parent and someone facing infertility, and that can feel like a lot to carry. I'm here to honor both parts of your journey—supporting your grief while recognizing your motherhood.
Secondary Infertility Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin
Dancing Bee Counseling provides specialized secondary infertility support from our Waunakee office. Telehealth sessions are available throughout Wisconsin.
Dancing Bee Counseling
Serving Dane County and Beyond:
Your struggle is real, even with a child at home.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Reproductive Mental Health Specialist
I founded Dancing Bee Counseling to provide the support so many people need during fertility challenges. Secondary infertility can feel especially isolating, and I want to create a space where your feelings are acknowledged and understood. You deserve care and compassion—no matter what.
I provide support for secondary infertility that validates your experience completely. You're allowed to want more. You're allowed to grieve. You're allowed to feel both grateful and devastated. Your struggle matters, your grief is real, and you don't have to carry it alone.
Your Grief Is Valid
Having a child doesn't disqualify you from needing support. Secondary infertility is real infertility, and your struggle deserves recognition. A consultation is simply a conversation about what you're experiencing.
In-person in Waunakee · Telehealth throughout Wisconsin