TFMR Support & Counseling
You made an impossible choice out of love. You deserve compassionate support.
Termination for medical reasons is one of the most isolating losses a person can experience. You wanted this baby. You loved this baby. And then you received news that changed everything. At Dancing Bee Counseling, Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT provides specialized, non-judgmental support for individuals and couples navigating life after TFMR.
This Grief Is Different
TFMR grief carries layers that other pregnancy losses don't. There's the grief of losing your baby. The trauma of receiving a devastating diagnosis. The weight of making an impossible decision. The guilt that creeps in even when you know, logically, that you made the most loving choice you could.
And then there's the isolation. You can't always tell people what happened. Some won't understand. Some will judge. So you carry this grief quietly, mourning a baby that the world may never know existed, processing a decision that others might not believe was yours to make.
Whether your baby received a diagnosis that was incompatible with life or quality of life, your grief is real and your decision was made from love.
TFMR counseling provides a space where you don't have to explain or defend your choice. Where your grief is witnessed and validated. Where you can process what happened without judgment.
The Unique Grief of TFMR
Termination for medical reasons brings grief complicated by factors that other losses don't carry.
Grief for Your Baby
You lost a baby you wanted, a baby you already loved, a baby you had imagined a future with. This loss is real regardless of gestational age or the circumstances of how the pregnancy ended.
Guilt and Second-Guessing
Even when you know the diagnosis was severe, guilt can be relentless. "What if the doctors were wrong?" "Should I have waited longer?" These thoughts are normal, even when they're not rational.
Isolation and Secrecy
TFMR often happens in silence. You may not be able to tell family, friends, or coworkers what really happened. This secrecy intensifies grief because you can't access normal support systems.
Trauma from the Experience
The sequence of devastating diagnosis, impossible decision, and medical procedure creates trauma layered on top of grief. Many people experience trauma responses after TFMR.
Fear of Future Pregnancies
The terror of trying again, of reaching the anatomy scan, of waiting for genetic testing results. Pregnancy after TFMR brings anxiety that can feel unbearable.
Relationship Strain
Partners often process TFMR differently. One may want to try again immediately while the other needs time. One may want to talk about it while the other withdraws. Couples counseling can help.
Anger at the Unfairness
Anger at your body, at genetics, at the universe, at people who have healthy pregnancies without thinking twice. This anger is valid and needs space to exist.
Identity Disruption
TFMR can shake your sense of who you are. Your body, your beliefs, your assumptions about how life works. Processing this identity shift is part of healing.
What TFMR Counseling Addresses
TFMR grief requires space, time, and often professional support to process. Therapy provides a container for all of it.
Processing the Decision
Working through the decision-making process, the factors you weighed, the information you had. Understanding that you made the best choice with what you knew.
Grieving Your Baby
Creating space to mourn the baby you lost, the future you imagined, the family that will never include this child. Your baby existed and deserves to be grieved.
Working Through Guilt
Guilt after TFMR can be persistent even when it's not logical. Therapy helps you examine guilt, challenge it where appropriate, and find peace with your decision.
Navigating Triggers
Due dates, pregnancy announcements, the anniversary of your diagnosis or procedure. Developing strategies to survive these moments when grief resurfaces.
Deciding About the Future
Whether to try again, when to try again, how to manage the anxiety of another pregnancy. These decisions deserve thoughtful space, not pressure.
Who Seeks TFMR Counseling?
There's no "right" time to get support after TFMR:
Before the procedure processing the diagnosis and decision while there's still time
Immediately after in acute grief and needing support to function
Weeks or months later when grief isn't lifting and isolation feels crushing
Years later when unprocessed grief resurfaces or a new pregnancy triggers it
Before trying again wanting to process grief before another pregnancy
Currently pregnant after TFMR paralyzed by fear of another diagnosis
Partners grieving their own loss while trying to support their partner
Couples struggling to connect when grieving differently
Whenever you're ready to talk, non-judgmental support is available.
Schedule a ConsultationWhy See a TFMR-Informed Therapist?
TFMR grief has unique features that general therapists and even general grief therapists may not understand.
No Judgment About Your Decision
I understand that TFMR is a decision made from love, not convenience. You won't have to defend or justify your choice in our sessions. The decision has been made. Now we focus on processing and healing.
Understanding the Medical Process
I know what the testing and diagnostic process involves, what maternal-fetal medicine specialists do, and the difference between various procedures. You won't have to educate me about what you went through.
Recognizing Disenfranchised Grief
TFMR is often invisible grief that society doesn't acknowledge. I understand why this lack of recognition makes everything harder and won't minimize what you're carrying.
Specialized Training
My training includes specialized preparation for reproductive loss and TFMR support. This means approaches specifically designed for this type of grief, not general therapy adapted after the fact.
Questions About TFMR Counseling
Is TFMR considered a miscarriage?
TFMR (termination for medical reasons) is a pregnancy loss, but it differs from miscarriage in that it involves a decision to end the pregnancy after receiving a severe or fatal diagnosis. Some people find comfort in using the word "miscarriage" when talking to others, while others feel it's important to acknowledge the choice they made. There's no right way to describe your experience. What matters is that your grief is valid regardless of what terminology you use.
How do I cope with guilt after TFMR?
Guilt is one of the most common experiences after TFMR, even when the diagnosis was severe and the decision was clear. Coping with guilt involves acknowledging it without letting it define you, examining what you actually knew and the options you actually had, and recognizing that making a difficult decision doesn't mean you made the wrong one. Many people find it helpful to remember that TFMR is a decision made from love, not against it. Therapy provides space to work through guilt with someone who won't judge or try to talk you out of your feelings.
When should I try again after TFMR?
There's no universal timeline for trying again after TFMR. Emotionally, readiness varies widely. Some people feel driven to try again quickly; others need significant time to grieve. Consider whether you feel ready to face the anxiety of another pregnancy, including genetic testing and anatomy scans. Pregnancy after TFMR brings unique fears. Therapy can help you process grief before trying again and prepare for the emotional challenges of a subsequent pregnancy.
How do I tell people about my TFMR?
You get to decide who knows and how much they know. Some people share openly about their TFMR, finding community in visibility. Others use vague language like "we lost the baby" or "there were complications." Some tell certain people the full story while giving others less detail. There's no obligation to share anything you're not comfortable sharing. You can also change your approach over time as your grief evolves and as you gauge people's reactions.
Why do I feel so alone after TFMR?
TFMR creates isolation for several reasons. The loss itself is often invisible, with no funeral or public acknowledgment. The stigma around termination, even for medical reasons, can make you hesitant to share. Friends and family may not know what to say or may say hurtful things. Online communities help many people feel less alone after TFMR, and therapy provides a consistent space where you can speak freely without worrying about judgment or managing someone else's reaction to your story.
TFMR Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin
Dancing Bee Counseling provides specialized TFMR support from our Waunakee office. Telehealth sessions are available throughout Wisconsin for those who prefer virtual support or live outside the Madison area.
Dancing Bee Counseling
Serving Families Throughout:
A private, comfortable space in Dane County. Convenient to downtown Madison with easy parking.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Reproductive Mental Health Specialist
I founded Dancing Bee Counseling because I saw how many people were grieving reproductive losses, including TFMR, without access to therapists who truly understood. TFMR is particularly isolating because of the stigma and secrecy that often surrounds it.
My specialized training prepared me to support people through TFMR with the understanding this grief requires. I will never judge you for your decision. My role is to help you process, grieve, and eventually find a way forward.
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
TFMR grief is heavy, and it's made heavier by isolation. A consultation is simply a conversation about what you're experiencing and how therapy might help.
In-person in Waunakee | Telehealth throughout Wisconsin