Fertility Anxiety Counseling
The anxiety of trying to conceive can take over your entire life. You deserve support from someone who understands.
Dancing Bee Counseling provides specialized therapy for fertility anxiety, TTC anxiety, and the mental health challenges that come with trying to build a family. Whether you're just starting to try, deep in fertility treatment, or somewhere in between, anxiety about conception can become overwhelming. I help you find relief without dismissing what you're going through.
When Trying to Conceive Takes Over Your Mind
You used to be able to think about other things. Now, fertility consumes your thoughts. You count cycle days, analyze every symptom, and can't stop researching. The anxiety builds as each month passes, and you're not sure how much longer you can keep doing this.
Fertility anxiety is more than just worry. It's the racing thoughts at 3 a.m. wondering if something is wrong with your body. It's the physical tension before every pregnancy test. It's the way your heart drops when you hear another pregnancy announcement. It's the constant mental calculations: counting days, tracking signs, analyzing data.
Fertility anxiety is real. It's not something you can simply talk yourself out of or make go away by thinking positively. And it doesn't mean you're somehow causing your fertility problems. You're having a normal response to an incredibly difficult situation.
What you're experiencing makes sense. You're facing uncertainty about something deeply important to you, with limited control over the outcome. Anyone would feel anxious. The question isn't whether your anxiety is justified. The question is how to cope with it so it doesn't destroy your quality of life while you're going through this.
How Fertility Anxiety Shows Up
Anxiety affects your mind, body, and behavior. You might recognize some of these patterns in yourself.
Racing Thoughts
Constant mental loops about fertility. Replaying conversations with doctors. Analyzing every choice you've made. Unable to quiet your mind, especially at night.
Physical Tension
Tight shoulders, clenched jaw, stomach knots. Trouble sleeping. Headaches. Your body holds the stress even when you're trying to relax.
Obsessive Researching
Hours spent on fertility forums and Google searches. Reading every article about improving chances. Symptom-spotting during the two-week wait.
Compulsive Tracking
Multiple fertility apps, ovulation tests, temperature charts. Checking and rechecking data. Feeling panicked if you miss a data point.
Social Withdrawal
Avoiding baby showers, pregnant friends, or family gatherings. Declining invitations because you can't predict how you'll feel.
Anticipating the Worst
Assuming each cycle will fail. Expecting bad news from doctors. Preparing yourself for disappointment as self-protection.
Irritability
Short temper with your partner. Snapping at well-meaning comments. Feeling frustrated with yourself for feeling this way.
Emotional Rollercoaster
Hope building toward ovulation, anxiety during the wait, devastation at your period. The monthly cycle of emotions becomes exhausting.
Difficulty Concentrating
Struggling to focus at work. Mind wandering back to fertility concerns. Feeling like you're just going through the motions in other areas of life.
What Makes Fertility Anxiety Spike
Understanding your triggers can help you prepare for and manage them.
Cycle Milestones
Ovulation days, the two-week wait, the day you expect your period. Each milestone brings its own wave of anxiety as you move through another month.
Pregnancy Announcements
Every announcement on social media, at work, or in your family feels like a reminder of what isn't happening for you. The comparison is automatic and painful.
Medical Appointments
Waiting for test results. Walking into the fertility clinic. The phone ringing after bloodwork. Each interaction with the medical system triggers anticipatory anxiety.
Insensitive Comments
"Just relax." "Have you tried..." "When are you having kids?" Well-meaning but hurtful comments that spike your anxiety and leave you feeling misunderstood.
Birthdays and Holidays
Another year passing. Family gatherings with questions. Holidays that highlight what's missing. Time markers that intensify the urgency.
Scheduled Intimacy
When sex becomes a medical task with a deadline. The pressure to perform during the fertile window adds stress to what should be connection.
Let's Be Clear: Stress Doesn't Cause Infertility
One of the most persistent—and harmful—myths about infertility is that stress or anxiety is to blame. You've probably heard advice like, "Just relax and it will happen." Not only is this unhelpful, it's incorrect—and it adds unnecessary guilt to an already difficult experience.
Your anxiety is not causing your fertility challenges. Let go of that guilt. We address anxiety because it impacts your emotional well-being, relationships, and ability to cope—not because reducing anxiety will make you pregnant. Your mental health matters, and you deserve support throughout this journey.
Therapy Approaches for Fertility Anxiety
I use evidence-based techniques specifically adapted for the unique challenges of fertility-related anxiety.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Identifying and challenging anxious thought patterns. Learning to interrupt catastrophic thinking. Building more balanced ways of processing fertility uncertainty.
Mindfulness Techniques
Grounding practices for when anxiety spikes. Staying present rather than spiraling into "what ifs." Learning to observe anxious thoughts without getting swept away.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Making peace with uncertainty while staying connected to your values. Taking action even when you feel anxious. Building psychological flexibility.
Somatic Approaches
Releasing physical tension your body holds. Nervous system regulation techniques. Body-based tools for calming anxiety in the moment.
Coping Strategy Building
Specific tools for specific triggers: surviving the two-week wait, managing test result anxiety, coping with announcements and holidays.
Relationship Support
How anxiety affects your partnership. Communication tools for when you're both stressed. Rebuilding intimacy when conception pressure has taken over.
Different Stages, Different Anxieties
Fertility anxiety looks different depending on where you are in the process. I provide targeted support for each stage.
Two-Week Wait Anxiety
The excruciating time between ovulation and when you can test. Symptom-spotting, obsessive Googling, and the roller coaster of hope and fear. Specific strategies for surviving this particular anxiety.
TWW Support →IVF Anxiety
The IVF process can feel overwhelming, with unique challenges at every stage—managing injection anxiety, coping with retrieval worries, holding onto hope during transfer, and facing the stress of beta day. Each phase brings its own emotional weight.
IVF Support →Unexplained Infertility Anxiety
When all tests come back normal but you're still not pregnant, the anxiety of not knowing why is its own burden. Living with uncertainty when there's no diagnosis to treat.
Unexplained Infertility →Failed Cycle Anxiety
After a failed cycle, anxiety about trying again battles with fear of another loss. Managing the decision about whether and when to try again.
Failed Cycle Support →Pregnancy After Infertility Anxiety
After infertility, pregnancy often feels different than expected. Instead of pure excitement, many experience intense anxiety—constantly waiting for something to go wrong. This is a normal response to a long and difficult journey, and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.
Pregnancy After Infertility →Pregnancy After Loss Anxiety
If you've experienced pregnancy loss, anxiety during subsequent pregnancies is nearly universal. Managing the fear that it will happen again.
Pregnancy After Loss →Who Benefits from Fertility Anxiety Counseling
You can't stop thinking about trying to conceive, even when you want to focus on other things
Fertility worries are affecting your sleep, work, or ability to enjoy life
You're obsessively tracking, researching, or monitoring fertility signs
You feel anxious from ovulation through your period, every single month
You're avoiding social situations because of fertility-related anxiety
Fertility anxiety is straining your relationship with your partner
You're starting or in the middle of fertility treatment and feeling overwhelmed
Waiting for test results or appointments triggers significant anxiety
Questions About Fertility Anxiety
How do I stop being so anxious about fertility?
It's normal to feel anxious during the fertility journey—this is an emotionally significant and uncertain process. The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety entirely (that's not realistic), but to learn how to manage it so it doesn't take over your life or make the experience overwhelming. Evidence-based strategies can help, such as using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to shift anxious thought patterns, practicing mindfulness to stay grounded in the present, and applying acceptance strategies for the parts you can't control. Body-based techniques can ease physical symptoms of anxiety, and building a strong support system ensures you have people who truly understand what you're going through. Working with a therapist who specializes in fertility can help you develop personalized strategies tailored to your unique triggers and needs.
Is it normal to have severe anxiety during IVF?
Yes, anxiety during IVF is extremely common and makes complete sense given what's involved. You're dealing with high stakes, significant financial investment, physical demands of treatment, hormones that affect mood, loss of control over outcomes, and a process filled with waiting and uncertainty. Studies show that anxiety and depression rates are significantly elevated in people undergoing IVF. The medications themselves can intensify emotional responses. If your anxiety feels overwhelming, you're not weak or doing something wrong. Many people benefit from therapy specifically during IVF cycles to help manage the emotional intensity and develop coping strategies for each stage of the process.
How do I cope with the two-week wait anxiety?
The two-week wait between ovulation or embryo transfer and the pregnancy test is often one of the most stressful parts of the fertility journey. It's completely normal to feel anxious during this time—but there are strategies that can help you cope. Managing anxiety during the two-week wait starts with finding strategies that work for you. Helpful approaches include engaging in activities that require focus—such as puzzles, hobbies, or creative projects—to keep your mind occupied, and limiting symptom-spotting or time spent on online forums. Practicing mindfulness techniques when anxiety spikes can help you stay grounded, and creating a plan for both possible outcomes reduces uncertainty. Cultivating a support network of people who understand, whether through support groups or online communities, can make a big difference, and working with a therapist can help you develop personalized coping strategies.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Fertility Anxiety Specialist
I understand fertility anxiety from both professional training and personal experience. I know what it's like to have conception take over your thoughts, to dread the two-week wait, to feel your heart race at every pregnancy announcement.
With specialized training in fertility mental health, I bring both clinical expertise and genuine understanding to this work. I won't tell you to "just relax." I know better. Instead, I'll help you develop real skills for managing anxiety while honoring how hard this is.
My approach combines evidence-based techniques like CBT and ACT with mindfulness and somatic practices. We'll work together to reduce your anxiety to a manageable level so you can live your life while you're going through this, not just survive it.
More About AbbyFertility Anxiety Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin
Dancing Bee Counseling
Office Address
101 E Main St, Suite 4
Waunakee, WI 53597
Phone
608-967-6105Serving Dane County and Beyond
UW Fertility · Forward Fertility · Wisconsin Fertility Institute
Anxiety Doesn't Have to Control This Experience
You can learn to manage fertility anxiety. Let's talk about how therapy can help you find some peace while you're going through this.
In-person in Waunakee · Telehealth throughout Wisconsin