Infertility Depression Therapy
When fertility struggles have left you feeling empty, hopeless, or unable to find joy, you deserve support that understands.
Dancing Bee Counseling provides specialized therapy for depression related to infertility and fertility treatment. The weight of trying to conceive month after month, the grief of losses, and the strain of treatment can lead to a darkness that's hard to escape. I help you find your way back to yourself, even while the fertility struggle continues.
This Isn't Just Sadness
You used to be yourself. Now you're not sure who you are anymore. The person who laughed easily, who made plans, who felt hopeful about the future has been replaced by someone who's just going through the motions. Getting out of bed is hard. Nothing sounds good. You feel hollow inside, and you're not sure if this will ever end.
Infertility depression is real, and it's more common than you might think. You're not weak. You're not handling things wrong. You're having a human response to ongoing grief, loss, uncertainty, and medical stress that most people never have to face.
Research shows that people experiencing infertility have depression rates similar to those diagnosed with cancer, heart disease, or HIV. The emotional toll is that significant. Your struggle makes sense.
Depression during infertility isn't the same as being sad after a negative test or feeling down during your period. It's a persistent heaviness that doesn't lift. It's losing interest in things that used to matter. It's feeling disconnected from your partner, your friends, your own life. And it deserves real treatment, not just encouragement to "stay positive."
Signs of Infertility-Related Depression
Depression shows up differently for everyone. Here are some common signs that the fertility struggle has crossed into something deeper.
Persistent Low Mood
A heaviness that doesn't lift, even on days when nothing bad happens. Feeling sad, empty, or numb most of the time, not just around fertility events.
Loss of Interest
Things you used to enjoy no longer appeal to you. Hobbies, socializing, intimacy, even food. Everything feels flat or pointless.
Sleep Changes
Trouble falling asleep, waking in the middle of the night, or sleeping too much. Exhaustion that doesn't improve no matter how much you rest.
Appetite Changes
Eating significantly more or less than usual. Food has lost its appeal, or you're eating to fill an emotional void. Weight changes you can't explain.
Difficulty Concentrating
Brain fog that makes it hard to focus at work or make decisions. Feeling mentally slow or scattered. Forgetting things more than usual.
Feelings of Worthlessness
Believing you're broken, defective, or failing. Excessive guilt about your infertility or how it affects your partner. Harsh self-criticism.
Withdrawal
Pulling away from relationships, avoiding social situations, isolating yourself. Feeling like no one understands or that you're a burden.
Fatigue
Bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. Everything feels like it takes massive effort. Your body feels heavy, slow, drained.
Hopelessness
Difficulty imagining a future you want to live. Feeling like things will never get better. Wondering what the point of anything is.
Sadness vs. Depression
Both are part of the infertility experience, but they're not the same thing.
😢 Normal Infertility Sadness
- Comes in waves, especially around triggers
- Lifts when good things happen
- You can still enjoy some things
- Energy levels fluctuate
- Self-esteem remains mostly intact
- Hope returns between disappointments
- You can imagine a happy future
💜 Infertility Depression
- Present most of the day, most days
- Doesn't lift even on good days
- Lost interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Persistent fatigue regardless of rest
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
- Pervasive hopelessness
- Difficulty imagining any positive future
What Contributes to Infertility Depression
Depression during infertility isn't random. Multiple factors compound to create the conditions for it.
Repeated Loss and Disappointment
Month after month of negative tests. Failed treatment cycles. Pregnancy losses. The accumulation of grief without resolution wears down emotional reserves.
Chronic Uncertainty
Not knowing if you'll ever have a child. Not knowing how long this will take. Not knowing what to plan for. Living in limbo is psychologically exhausting.
Hormonal Impact
Fertility medications affect mood. The hormonal fluctuations of treatment cycles and the natural hormonal shifts of reproductive struggles can intensify depression.
Financial Strain
The cost of treatment creates stress that compounds emotional struggles. Spending tens of thousands of dollars with uncertain outcomes adds pressure.
Identity and Self-Worth
When building a family was part of how you saw your future, infertility can shake your sense of self. Feeling broken, defective, or "less than" feeds depression.
Social Isolation
Pulling away from pregnant friends, avoiding baby showers, keeping the struggle private. The isolation that often accompanies infertility deepens depression.
Relationship Strain
When infertility strains your relationship, you lose one of your main sources of support. Different coping styles and intimacy struggles add to the emotional burden.
Loss of Control
Infertility takes away your control over a major life decision. The helplessness of not being able to make your body do what you need it to do is deeply demoralizing.
Therapy for Infertility Depression
Depression during infertility responds to treatment. Here's how we work together to help you feel like yourself again.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Identifying and challenging the depressive thought patterns that keep you stuck. Building new ways of processing the fertility experience that don't spiral into hopelessness.
Behavioral Activation
Depression makes you withdraw, which makes depression worse. We work on gradually reconnecting with activities and people, even when motivation is low.
Grief Processing
Much of infertility depression is unprocessed grief. We make space for mourning the losses: the pregnancies, the time, the life you expected to have.
Self-Compassion Work
Learning to treat yourself with kindness instead of criticism. Depression often comes with harsh self-judgment that deepens the struggle.
Mindfulness Practices
Grounding techniques for when everything feels dark. Learning to be present without being overwhelmed by the weight of past disappointments or future fears.
Medication Coordination
If medication might help, I can coordinate with your prescriber and fertility team. We discuss what's safe during conception and treatment.
You're Not Broken. You're Overwhelmed.
Depression during infertility doesn't mean there's something fundamentally wrong with you. It means you've been carrying an enormous burden for a long time, and your mind and body are showing the strain. Getting help isn't a sign of weakness. It's a recognition that you deserve support through something that's genuinely hard.
Depression at Different Points in the Fertility Process
Depression can show up at any point. I provide targeted support for where you are.
Early TTC Depression
When months pass without conception and worry turns to despair. The realization that this might not be easy, paired with the isolation of not knowing what's wrong yet.
Diagnosis Depression
Receiving an infertility diagnosis can trigger depression. Learning about unexplained infertility, male factor issues, low ovarian reserve, or other diagnoses often brings grief and fear.
Treatment Depression
The toll of IVF, medications, procedures, and waiting. Hormones affect mood. The stakes feel impossibly high. Failed cycles compound the despair.
Post-Loss Depression
Pregnancy loss and depression often go together. Miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, TFMR, and other losses can trigger or deepen depressive episodes.
End of Treatment Depression
Facing the decision to stop treatment. The depression that comes with letting go of the dream of biological children or pregnancy.
Life After Infertility
Whether you become a parent through treatment, adoption, or accept being childless not by choice, depression can linger or resurface in the aftermath.
Who Benefits from Infertility Depression Therapy
You feel empty or hollow inside, like you're just going through the motions
You've lost interest in activities, relationships, or life in general
Getting out of bed or completing daily tasks feels overwhelming
You cry frequently or feel on the verge of tears much of the time
You've withdrawn from friends, family, or your partner
You feel hopeless about the future, not just about fertility
You feel worthless, broken, or like a burden to others
You've had thoughts that life isn't worth living
Questions About Infertility and Depression
Is it normal to feel depressed during infertility?
Yes, depression during infertility is extremely common. Research shows that people experiencing infertility have depression rates similar to those diagnosed with cancer, heart disease, or HIV. You're dealing with repeated loss, uncertainty, medical stress, financial pressure, and grief for the life you expected. Depression isn't a sign of weakness or that you're handling things wrong. It's a normal response to an abnormally difficult situation. If you're feeling hopeless, empty, or unable to find joy in things you used to enjoy, these are signs that therapy could help.
How do I know if I'm depressed or just sad about infertility?
Sadness is a normal part of the infertility experience, but depression is different. Signs that sadness has crossed into depression include: persistent low mood that doesn't lift even on good days, losing interest in activities you used to enjoy, changes in sleep (too much or too little), changes in appetite or weight, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, feeling worthless or excessively guilty, fatigue that doesn't improve with rest, withdrawing from relationships, and thoughts that life isn't worth living. If these symptoms persist for more than two weeks and affect your daily functioning, it's worth talking to a mental health professional.
Can antidepressants affect fertility or pregnancy?
This is a conversation to have with both your psychiatrist and reproductive endocrinologist. Some antidepressants are considered relatively safe during conception and pregnancy, while others carry more risk. The decision involves weighing the risks of medication against the risks of untreated depression, which can also affect fertility treatment outcomes and pregnancy. Many people successfully conceive and carry pregnancies while taking antidepressants. Don't stop taking medication without medical guidance, and don't assume you have to suffer through depression untreated. Work with your healthcare team to find the right approach for your situation.
Does depression affect your ability to get pregnant?
The relationship between depression and fertility is complex. Severe depression can affect hormones, sleep, appetite, and behaviors in ways that might indirectly impact fertility. Some studies suggest that depression may be associated with lower IVF success rates, though the research is mixed. What we know for certain is that untreated depression makes the fertility experience significantly harder to endure and can affect your ability to make decisions about treatment, maintain relationships, and care for yourself. Treating depression is worthwhile for your quality of life regardless of whether it directly impacts conception.
How do I cope with depression while going through IVF?
Coping with depression during IVF requires support on multiple fronts. Working with a therapist who understands both depression and fertility treatment can help you develop coping strategies specific to each phase of the IVF cycle. Building a support system, setting boundaries around what you can handle, and practicing self-compassion are essential. Some people benefit from medication during treatment, which should be coordinated with your fertility clinic. Allow yourself to grieve each disappointment rather than pushing through. Reduce other stressors where possible. Remember that struggling emotionally during IVF doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human, going through something genuinely hard.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Infertility Depression Specialist
I understand the darkness that infertility can bring. The way it takes over your life, your thoughts, your sense of who you are. I've worked with many clients who came to me feeling hopeless, empty, and exhausted by the fertility struggle, and I've watched them find their way back to themselves.
As a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine with specialized training in reproductive mental health, I bring both clinical expertise and genuine understanding to this work. I know that infertility depression isn't something you can just "snap out of." It requires real treatment, real support, and a therapist who won't minimize what you're going through.
My approach combines evidence-based depression treatment with fertility-specific understanding. We'll work on lifting the depression while honoring the reality of what you're facing. You don't have to feel this way forever.
More About AbbyInfertility Depression Therapy in Madison, Wisconsin
🐝 Dancing Bee Counseling
Office Address
101 E Main St, Suite 4
Waunakee, WI 53597
Phone
608-967-6105Serving Dane County and Beyond
UW Fertility · Forward Fertility · Wisconsin Fertility Institute
You Don't Have to Stay in This Darkness
Depression during infertility is treatable. Let's talk about how therapy can help you feel like yourself again.
In-person in Waunakee · Telehealth throughout Wisconsin
If you're having thoughts of suicide or self-harm: Please call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741. Dane County residents can also call Journey Mental Health Crisis at 608-280-2600. If you're in immediate danger, call 911.