Managing Infertility at Work
Early morning appointments, side effects at your desk, pregnant coworkers everywhere, and trying to perform like nothing is wrong. Working through infertility is exhausting.
Dancing Bee Counseling provides support for people balancing fertility treatment with their careers. Whether you're deciding what to tell your employer, struggling to maintain performance during treatment, or dealing with the emotional toll of infertility in a professional setting, therapy can help you cope and advocate for yourself.
The Hidden Burden of Infertility at Work
Infertility doesn't pause for your career. You're expected to show up, perform, and act professional while dealing with constant appointments, hormonal side effects, physical discomfort, and overwhelming emotional weight. You smile through meetings while your mind is on your follicle count. You take calls about blood work from the office bathroom. You pretend everything is fine.
The workplace adds unique challenges to an already difficult situation. Pregnant coworkers and baby talk are unavoidable. Questions about your personal life feel invasive. Taking time off for appointments requires explanations you may not want to give. And the fear of being seen as uncommitted or unreliable adds pressure to an already stressful situation.
You're doing something incredibly hard. Balancing treatment with work while maintaining your emotional wellbeing takes real strength. It's okay to need support, and it's okay to set limits on what you can give professionally during this time.
Therapy can help you set boundaries, decide what to disclose, cope with triggers at work, and advocate for the accommodations you need without sacrificing your career goals.
What Makes Infertility Hard at Work
If you're struggling with any of these, you're not alone.
Constant Appointments
Early morning monitoring, procedures, blood draws. Treatment requires frequent time away, often with little notice.
Medication Side Effects
Hormones cause fatigue, brain fog, bloating, mood swings, headaches. Functioning at full capacity feels impossible.
Pregnant Coworkers
Baby bumps, shower invitations, ultrasound photos in the break room. Constant reminders of what you don't have.
Invasive Questions
"When are you having kids?" "Why do you have so many doctor appointments?" Questions you don't want to answer.
Concentration Issues
The two-week wait, anxiety about results, grief after failures. Your mind is elsewhere even when you're at your desk.
Masking Your Emotions
Crying in the bathroom. Forcing smiles in meetings. Pretending you're fine when you're falling apart inside.
Scheduling Conflicts
Retrievals, transfers, procedures that can't be rescheduled. Work deadlines that won't move for your treatment.
Disclosure Dilemmas
Tell your boss? Keep it private? How much to share? There's no perfect answer, only the right choice for you.
Performance Pressure
Fear of being seen as less committed. Guilt about not giving 100%. Worry about career impact during treatment.
Should You Tell Your Employer?
There's no universally right answer. Here's what to consider.
Consider Sharing If...
- ✓ You need schedule flexibility for frequent appointments
- ✓ Your performance may be affected by treatment
- ✓ You have a supportive workplace culture
- ✓ The stress of hiding is becoming too much
- ✓ You want to access fertility benefits
- ✓ You trust your manager to be understanding
Consider Privacy If...
- • Your workplace isn't supportive
- • You're concerned about career impact
- • You're not comfortable sharing personal info
- • "Medical appointments" is explanation enough
- • You prefer to keep work and personal life separate
- • You can manage appointments without accommodation
You can share as much or as little as you want. "I'm dealing with a medical situation" is often enough. If you do share, you control the details.
Scripts for Workplace Conversations
Practice these before you need them so you feel prepared.
"I have a recurring medical situation that requires regular appointments over the next few months. I'm committed to making up any missed time."
Keeps details private while explaining absences
"I wanted to let you know that we're going through fertility treatment. I may need some flexibility for appointments, but I'm committed to managing my workload."
For supportive workplace environments
"I have some medical appointments I'm dealing with. Nothing to worry about, but thanks for asking!"
Friendly but shuts down further questions
"That's a pretty personal question! Anyway, did you see the email about the project deadline?"
Names the boundary and redirects
"I'm undergoing medical treatment that requires frequent early morning appointments. Can we discuss what flexibility options are available?"
Professional and focused on solutions
"I won't be able to make it to the shower, but please add my name to a group gift. Congratulations to Sarah!"
Participates without attending
Managing Fertility Appointments at Work
Fertility treatment often requires early morning monitoring appointments, sometimes with only a day's notice. During active IVF or IUI cycles, you might need to go in multiple times per week. Here are strategies for managing this.
Ask your clinic for the earliest available slots to minimize work disruption
Work from home on appointment days if your job allows remote work
Offer to make up time if flexibility helps maintain trust
Use PTO or sick leave strategically for procedures and hard days
Block calendar time vaguely as "appointment" without details
Coping With Pregnant Coworkers
One of the hardest parts of infertility at work. You can't avoid them, and their joy is constant.
Limit unnecessary exposure by avoiding optional baby talk conversations
Have a brief "congratulations" ready so you're not caught off guard
Skip the office baby shower or make a brief appearance with a gift
Find a private space to decompress when conversations become too much
Set boundaries on how much pregnancy talk you engage in
Remind yourself: their joy doesn't diminish your pain, and your pain doesn't diminish their joy
Use headphones as a signal that you're focused and unavailable for chat
Have a support person you can text when you need to vent during the workday
When Infertility Affects Your Performance
This is normal. Be compassionate with yourself.
Fatigue
Hormones, procedures, sleep disruption from worry. Your energy isn't what it used to be.
Brain Fog
Medication side effects and emotional stress impact cognitive function and memory.
Concentration
Hard to focus when you're waiting for results, processing grief, or managing anxiety.
Depression and grief can make it hard to care about work goals that feel meaningless compared to what you're going through.
Hormones and grief make it harder to manage emotions. Unexpected tears or irritability.
Appointments, side effects, and mental energy drain make it hard to keep up with everything.
Workplace Protections and Benefits
Pregnancy Discrimination Act covers some fertility treatment aspects
ADA may apply if infertility stems from an underlying condition
FMLA may cover time off for treatment in some cases
Some states have specific fertility treatment protections
Many employers now offer fertility benefits and coverage
Check your employee handbook for fertility-specific policies
HR can clarify what accommodations are available
Document any discrimination you experience
You don't necessarily have to disclose your infertility diagnosis to request medical accommodations. A therapist can help you strategize how to advocate for yourself.
Workplace Support Services
Therapy can help you balance treatment with your career.
Work through whether, when, and how much to share with your employer. Practice conversations before you have them.
Learn to set limits on baby talk, invasive questions, and emotional labor at work without damaging relationships.
Strategies for handling pregnant coworkers, baby showers, and constant pregnancy triggers in your workplace.
Managing guilt about work performance during treatment. Realistic expectations and self-compassion strategies.
Coping with work anxiety during treatment. Techniques for staying grounded during the workday.
Building confidence to ask for accommodations you need. Strategizing how to advocate without oversharing.
Questions About Infertility and Work
Should I tell my boss I'm going through infertility treatment?
This is a personal decision with no universally right answer. Consider telling your boss if you need schedule flexibility for frequent appointments, your performance may be affected, you have a supportive workplace, or the stress of hiding is becoming too much. Consider keeping it private if your workplace isn't supportive, you're concerned about career impact, or you'd rather explain absences vaguely as "medical appointments." You can share as much or as little as you want. "I'm dealing with a medical situation that requires regular appointments" is often enough.
How do I handle frequent fertility appointments at work?
Fertility treatment often requires early morning monitoring appointments, sometimes with little advance notice. Strategies include scheduling appointments at the start or end of the day when possible, using a vague explanation like "recurring medical appointments" if you don't want to share details, making up time if your job allows flexibility, using sick leave or PTO strategically, asking your clinic about their earliest available slots, and working from home on appointment days if possible. During active IVF cycles, a brief conversation with HR about "medical appointments for the next few weeks" might reduce stress.
How do I cope with pregnant coworkers while dealing with infertility?
Pregnant coworkers can be one of the hardest parts of infertility at work. You have to see them every day, hear about their pregnancies, and attend their baby showers while grieving your own situation. Coping strategies include limiting unnecessary exposure, having a brief congratulations ready so you're not caught off guard, giving yourself permission to skip the office baby shower or make a brief appearance, finding a private space to process difficult feelings, setting boundaries on how much pregnancy talk you engage in, and reminding yourself that their joy doesn't diminish your pain.
Can infertility affect work performance?
Yes, infertility can absolutely affect work performance, and this is completely normal. Treatment causes fatigue, brain fog, and physical discomfort from hormones and procedures. The emotional toll of grief, anxiety, and stress impacts concentration and motivation. Frequent appointments disrupt schedules. The two-week wait makes it hard to focus on anything else. Be compassionate with yourself. This is a temporary situation, not a reflection of your abilities. Consider what accommodations might help, whether that's working from home on hard days or taking a mental health day after bad news.
What are my rights regarding infertility treatment at work?
Workplace protections for infertility treatment vary by location and employer. In the US, the Pregnancy Discrimination Act covers some aspects of infertility treatment. The Americans with Disabilities Act may apply if infertility is caused by an underlying condition. Some states have specific fertility treatment protections. FMLA may cover time off for treatment in some cases. Many employers now offer fertility benefits including treatment coverage and time off. Check your employee handbook for fertility-specific policies. HR can clarify what accommodations are available. You don't necessarily have to disclose your diagnosis to request medical accommodations.
Abby Lemke, MS, LPC-IT
Infertility Support Specialist
I understand the unique challenges of balancing infertility treatment with a career. The constant appointments, the side effects, the pregnant coworkers, the questions about why you have so many doctor visits. It's exhausting to perform professionally while dealing with something so personal and painful.
As a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine with specialized training in fertility counseling, I help people develop strategies for managing work during treatment. Whether you need help deciding what to disclose, setting boundaries with coworkers, or coping with triggers in your workplace, I'm here to support you.
Your career matters, and so does your mental health. Therapy can help you protect both.
More About AbbyInfertility Counseling in Madison, Wisconsin
🐝 Dancing Bee Counseling
Office Address
101 E Main St, Suite 4
Waunakee, WI 53597
Phone
608-967-6105Serving Dane County and Beyond
Balance Treatment With Your Career
Get support for managing infertility at work.
In-person in Waunakee · Telehealth throughout Wisconsin